My Great Aunt died in June of 2005 and my grandma died in January. I mentioned a feeling of guilt tied to their deaths. I feel bad for how I treated my Great Aunt when I lived with her. She had had some strokes and was lucid at times. At other times, she was a bit out of her mind. I tried to be good to her but I have always had a bit of a fear of losing my mind. I used to have a bad temper in elementary school and feared that I would grow up to kill someone in a mad rage or something. Then, I left the state. At her funeral, I felt guilty for having left the state when I did. When my grandma died, I felt guilty for not having been in the state for her.
I mentioned a tip of the ice berg version of this to my sister and got the impression that it isn't okey for me to mourn my great aunt because she died last year. This bugs me because I think that I got stuck and couldn't mourn her due to the guilt. So, I seem to be only allowed to talk about this to a T which I can't get in to see because I have only just met my new T today and she was all booked up for a future appointment. My old T left the office.