You know WP I feel like there are a lot of distortions in the original post, I mean you know your situation best of course, but it just seems like you are very much loved and cared about, but almost don't want to trouble other people. I don't think our brains always match up to reality esp. when depression is talking and we don't see those options. Maybe doing that program would be a good way to just feel better so everything doesn't look so bleak. Also, one thing that comes to mind is you might be able to care for yourself but sometimes other people need us to accept their help, you know????? Would that be possible?????