I actually posted this first in the new member forum by accident, thinking it was the bipolar forum so it's a slightly duplicate post but was meant for here.

I've been in therapy for 2 months now, very recently diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar II.

I've just started taking Topamax (literally last night). If anyone has any experience with this med I'd appreciate hearing about it. I'm exhausted and my hands have been tingling since last night.

I'm looking for a way to connect with other people struggling with this illness and just support.

I had a traumatic childhood with sexual, physical and emotional abuse and I was raped as a teenager. I'm a self injurer (cutting) but working on stopping and I'm going through cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to stop hating myself.

I just want to get my life on track and feel healthy. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son and I don't want to spend any more of my life just "getting through it".

My biggest struggle is my depression, I tend to mainly be depressed and irritable or depressed, despairing and have suicidal thoughts (without intent). I seem to have a hypomanic episode for a few days every 2-3 months but I've been in denial so long about my issues it's hard to pinpoint that exactly.

I'm still having a hard time accepting that I need medication to feel better but I don't want to keep going this way either. The stigma of the illness frightens me. I'm worried about the impact it will have on my future in terms of family planning, my career, and just what limitations I might encounter. I'm scared. I have some family members with Bipolar disorder but they are all classic I's who have been hospitalized, ruined their finances, relationships, alcoholics, etc. Not exactly people I'm comfortable turning to for advice or support as they are not stable themselves.

Anyways I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for here but hopefully I will find it.