you are certainly not overreacting, a guy should respect no means no at any stage in the performance. you have every right to say no if at any point you do not feel comfortable with the preceedings after all it is your body he is delighting himself with,. sex should be mutually agreed to, if not it is abuse! it is not right to set out to tease though as this will eventually lead to a guy not respecting no once turned he is on.
try meeting guys just for a meal or non alcoholic drink in a public place. make it clear beforehand that you are not ready for anything more. any guy worth his salt will respect this, most others will run! the odd one may try to talk you into going home with them or rthem going home with you, this can be avoided by booking a cab for a set time to take you home or by arranging a friend to stop by the meeting place at an arranged time and insisting you need to leave with them instead to sort out a problem they are having or some other excuse!!
do not totally give up on men, the right one is out there, just be clear about your needs and wishes before agreeing to meet.
stay safe x