It seems as if I can't get over my past no matter how hard I try. I don't forgive myself for anything, and that's probably why.

I have guilt and shame about:
-my mother and her death
-my sexual abuse
-my sexuality (at times)
-sometimes doing the right thing
-staying faithful to my bf
-not being good enough for anyone
-cutting (but rarely)
-not being able to protect children enough

The list goes on and on. It consumes me all the time. I compare myself to anyone and everyone. I always find myself coming up short.

Recently I was journaling and realized something. I have a firm belief that I'm to blame for my mom getting sick and dying of cancer. I know in my head that nobody can fight cancer on their own, but my heart thinks that if I hadn't drained her financially and emotionally, then she would've been stronger or would've lasted longer. Now I've been doing that with my dad and I'm scared to death that he's gonna die, too.

Maybe all of this is the reason I can't move on in life.