Hi all,

I just put this in an old thread, but thinking about it, I wasn't sure it fit.

So here it is:

Dear T,

You work out of a small practice. One of the other people working there is also your best friend of several years. I'll call him Mr. X. From looking around on Google the other day, I found out that Mr. X lost his state license because he had been sexually involved with a client for a few years. Both he and the client were married at the time, and he is still married with children now. It's all very creepy to me, as well as a bit hard to believe.

I'd like to ask you about this whole business, because I'm not sure what to do with this information. I'm not sure if it makes me question your integrity and judgement. I'm not sure I want to be involved with your practice, with you as my counselor, in light of this information. After all, it's a small practice, he's your best friend. You may have known about it at the time, when Mr. X was involved in his affair. You certainly know about it now, and yet you still share a practice with him, he still sees clients. What does this say about you?

You've always been very professional with me. I think you will avoid topics like sex and men with me, or we talk about such things in vague euphemisms. Maybe it's part of your personality or mine, maybe it's because we are opposite genders, maybe it's a consequence of what your friend did or how male therapists generally approach counseling female patients--that you avoid topics of conversation that are sexual in nature because of the gray area and possibility of overstepping boundaries. I don't know. But if I'm embarrassed to talk about sex (I never had the sex talk with my parents, and I think they chose to ignore the possibility that I have been sexually active w/ boyfriends), and you avoid talking about it, that just seems... unhealthy. Repressive. Should I be seeing a female counselor where I might be able to talk about these things and consider sex as a healthy part of existence?

Ultimately, I don't know what to do about Mr. X. I find myself questioning your judgement, your integrity. Should I stop seeing you? I may be assuming too much about what you knew and when, but since the license revoking was public, I know you know now and continue to share a practice with this man. Maybe there is more to the story, maybe it's a financial thing now (though you say he is your best friend), maybe it's convenience. But what he is reported to have done is morally reprehensible. How can I trust your psychological insight and general wisdom if I am questioning your general body of ethics and morality? Should I judge you by your chosen colleague and close friend?

I also don't know who to ask about this. A friend? (Many of my friends don't know I'm in counseling.) A parent or family member? (I don't know if I could talk to them for advice without having to act on that advice. For example, my dad would likely feel very uncomfortable with the breach of professional ethics on Mr. X's part, that he doesn't want me near such an environment, and he might want me to stop seeing you, T. Dad already thinks I'm doing well and maybe it's time to discontinue therapy.) The whole business leaves me unsettled and though I've known you, T, for over two years, I'm finding myself distancing myself from you, already mentally questioning the advice and wisdom you've given me over the last several months. Which makes me sad, because you have helped me a lot. I think. Ah, I'm confused. Does this knowledge now erase what our relationship has been? It may not be fair, but emotions aren't rational. I'm also slow to trust, and now I am wondering if I have misplaced that trust.

Silently wondering,
Lacey