Well, I'm back...again. Seems I hang around PC during two phases. One when I am on the upswing of things and starting to feel better... and one when I've about reached despair. Seems I should stay as I'm feeling better because then perhaps I could help someone else. But I forget about it in my own little world. Then perhaps I should stay in my despairing moments because sometimes this is as close to non-isolation as I ever get.

Thought meds were working for me. It's been almost 2 months without severe bouts of depression. Was so excited that after all I'd tried something started to work! So why am I here... this endless cycle of feel pretty good, then crash 180 degrees. And really- it's all in my head. Nothing has to happen externally for me to crash, I just do. Which actually makes it worse... if some outward tradgedy would occur and least then people would see reason for my depression. Instead I am left with guilt that I shouldn't be this way.

Is this endless cycle ever going to stop?? Will I ever not go back all the way to despair? Or are some people just destined to be that way. I realize life has ups and downs for everyone, but to enter into such total darkness at random moments and stay there for long periods of time is not normal.

Sorry, I know these are questions that can't really be answered. Just needed to speak to someone that may listen. Thanks.