Hi All:

So in s nutshell I am a former "cutter"/anorexic/bulimic and I always hid the cutting from everyone- including my therapist when i was younger. One of my biggest fears was that people would think i wanted attention when i all i wanted was to relieve the pain i felt. Anyway, my current psychiatrist is well aware and has always told me that when i get the occasional urge to cut to CALL/Email him and take klonopin. I told him i was too embarassed for said reasons. He said, "well the fact that you're worried i will perceive you as manipulative indicates that you aren't".

Finally, after one year of working with him i emailed him one week ago and said i had strong urges to cut my wrists (where i always used to cut) but that i thought it would pass. The following day he messaged me back: "If you can't say that you're safe, i will call 911 now". I was very confused, i have never tried to kill myself and he knows that. I said, "I'm safe" and asked if he could explain why he acted that way. His Response: Isn't it obvious? You sounded "very borderline" and "dramatic so i was concerned". I am particularly hurt because i always told him that i was afriad that if ppl knew about the cutting that would give me that label even though i don't fit the diagnosis techinically.

I am SO CONFUSED and i told him so, and explained that i was just doing what he told me to do for months. Now i feel like a total IDIOT. I'm so embarassed, and i feel betrayed. It's been over a week now and he hasn't responded at all and i just wanted to reassure him that i wasn't being manipulative but he doesn't respond.

It took me SO long to TRUST him and now i feel like i can't trust him. his message was sarcastic and i felt misunderstood. but these past 6 months have been SO hard (leaving an abusive marriage, relocating, surgery, etc) that lately i was starting to feel that keeping a stiff upper lip was getting increasingly hard. So I am in no position to START over with someone new, yet I can't trust my shrink who isn't even acting like he cares and hasn't called in my script he's been promising since 2 sessions ago. Im very nervous and feel so alone. i have so many friends but i can't burden them with my personal life, and i have no idea how to resolve this.

I'm so sorry this is long i just am clueless. please advise. much thanks. BG