(((((((((((((Lexicon))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that you are feeling guilty and shameful about things right now. The abuse was not your fault and I hope that you can come to terms with that one.

As far as the other issues all I can say is that I feel that I have come to know you some by your posts and you seem to be a wonderful caring person. If you feel that there are areas of your life that need to be changed maybe you can start working on them a bit at a time.

I would have to question if you are not more critical and have a higher standard for yourself than others. I believe it would be surprising if you had all the facts to comparre.

I hate to see you tormenting yourself with these thoughts. I hope soon you can see all the good in you and start loving you for who you are. Please take care of yourself.