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Hi ~ Do you know WHY you keep thinking about suicide? Do you have ambivalence about your decision to transition from male to female? Are there regrets?
You definiely need to talk to a therapist about these issues. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem -- you have conflicting emotions & feelings ~ and a therapist would best handle this.
You need to know that you are a valued person. People either like us or they don't. Sometimes we cannot control that. Remember that there are people that WE don't like too -- it's just the difference in humans. If you're kind, friendly, don't "back-stab" and try to be the best friend that you can be, you are OKAY. Just be yourself -- putting all these restrictions on yourself is, like you said, exhausting -- and generally unnecessary!
Are you more confused about who you are since your transition? You can talk to your therapist about this too.
Best of luck to you -- personally, you sound like a decent, nice person!! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee
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