I am so sorry DeepThoughts,

Your mother is obviously not a well balanced person. Now listen, please do not blame yourself for your mother's issues. Your aunt has described her as a lost soul, what is your mother's history other than what you have said here? Because she really sounds like a person who has some kind of mental illness that most likely has gone untreated. Does she have a problem with drugs or alcohol use?

I can see she causes you to feel abandoned and angry and confused. But you have to recognize that it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable etc. Your mother is clearly not thinking of your needs and probably your siblings are feeling the same way, confused and not sure about her behaviors and what they mean and they are living in instablity.

Sometimes when a person goes away like that and leaves their children with no word and acts like it means nothing has a problem with alcohol. Some people who abuse alcohol can black out for several days and leave family wondering where they are. And the sad part is that they are in denial and can spiral out of control.

Have you talked to Youth and family services about this? This is child abandonment.
Depression usually means anger turned inwards and I am sure that is what you are doing as you are expressing anger, disgust and deep disappointment in someone who has failed to truely be a mother to you. But you have to realize something here, you do need help with this, I hope you are getting therapy. I don't know how old you are or the age of your siblings but you all should get help in dealing with this.

I am so sorry that your mother has made you feel this way. Part of what you need is reasons, the WHYS of her behavior. It is not your fault, she needs help as she is acting selfish and negligent. And your mother needs help as well. But the only one you can really help is you and part of that is getting to the bottom of her behavior, the whys, and finding ways for you to grow and develope in spite of her issues.

Open Eyes