Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
Hi ~ Do you know WHY you keep thinking about suicide? Do you have ambivalence about your decision to transition from male to female? Are there regrets?
You definiely need to talk to a therapist about these issues. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem -- you have conflicting emotions & feelings ~ and a therapist would best handle this.
You need to know that you are a valued person. People either like us or they don't. Sometimes we cannot control that. Remember that there are people that WE don't like too -- it's just the difference in humans. If you're kind, friendly, don't "back-stab" and try to be the best friend that you can be, you are OKAY. Just be yourself -- putting all these restrictions on yourself is, like you said, exhausting -- and generally unnecessary!
Are you more confused about who you are since your transition? You can talk to your therapist about this too.
Best of luck to you -- personally, you sound like a decent, nice person!! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee
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I'm definitely more confused since my transition, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy I transitioned. I had to do it to survive in my own mind. The confusion comes from hitting reset on my personality, trying to figure out what's real and what was just a defense mechanism for being able to survive as a male. A lot of it also has to do with learning to see myself in new light, as a girl rather than as a guy. I'm still usually dumbstruck every time I look in a mirror. Sometimes It's a good dumbstruck, sometimes I feel like I didn't get what I wanted out of transition, but either way it causes confusion. Learning how to navigate my world all over again has been easy in some ways, but a lot of it is about letting my guard down instead of just waiting for people to call me a ****** behind my back. I don't know, am I making any sense?
As for why I'm thinking about suicide, it's always been my go-to answer to any problem I feel like I can't solve. I get in an emotional hole, my reality warps, and then becomes very small and imposing, like I'm stuck at the bottom of a well. I want to be able to voice these concerns to friends and professionals without feeling like they're just going to commit me again. I'm trying to get better, maybe I'm not going about it in the right way, maybe i'm paranoid for no reason, I don't know.