Quote:
Originally Posted by Anika
I want to be positive and stuff, I am just not in a place to write a lot about relationships.
Except to say a few things, it doesn't seem like this friendship is healthy for you, and you know it, I admire your honesty. I'd think it wise to cut ties with this man.
Secondly, I hear and maybe it's my bad hearing, but I hear you put him up here, and you down there. Why you are not good enough. What I would ask is, is he good for you. Does he have what YOU need.
I'm sorry I wish I had more, it's a very hard place to be  |
Thank you Anika. I appreciate that you took the time and effort to reply.
This relationship does look like it isn't healthy; on the other hand he's the only particularly close friend I have. I enjoy his intellect, his zest for life. With everyone else I know, I just skim the surface. Being bipolar and particularly as a result of my last failed close relationship, I don't as a rule allow myself to get close to anyone. I *thought* this particular guy would be safe enough to allow inside my defenses precisely because he is witty, charming, intelligent - qualities that delight me - and I could enjoy his friendship but not get emotionally involved. This was indeed so for some years.
Alas, I misjudged. The stupid, errant heart goes where it wills; I think I will never understand my emotional life, what causes my strong feelings to arise and fix on one person and not another.
So. If I decide to end our friendship, I cut off the only close friend I have. I also will need to make changes in my online life because he is an intrinsic part of the little community I inhabit. Also I will need to leave the group and website of which I have charge. He was the founder of the group and has worked as my co-director for some time.
About putting him up there/me down here...yes, you are right. That is clever of you to notice.