Yes, your thinking is totally screwed right now. You are thinking with your emotions instead of with your head, just like your t is trying to get you to work on. Are you staying in close contact with your pdoc? You still sound like you aren't stable medically. If meds aren't kicking in yet, you really need to let your pdoc know.

This is NOT the time to be stopping therapy. You need that professional support right now. You aren't responding well to therapy because you are so unstable medically. Until your meds really kick in, you will have a hard time making any progress in therapy, but the therapy is really important as a way of staying in regular contact with a professional who can monitor the situation.

It sounds like right now you need to get on the phone with your therapist and your pdoc. They need to know what is going on with you right now and you need their professional support. Sorry you are in such a bad place. I've been there and have recently been dealing with my husband who is in a similar place. It WILL pass, but you have to keep fighting and have to use the professionals that are at your disposal to help you.