poetgirl, I feel so bad because you feel so bad. I agree with farmergirl. Something isn't right with your meds. You never sounded like this in the past. You liked your t and never thought of quitting. I know that reality is hard, and facts are facts, but I think your state of mind is affecting your ability to deal with anything right now. From "knowing" you for months on PC before you felt like this, it seems to me it is NOT your normal behavior or feelings.

Please don't make decisions about your children that you may regret when you are more stable. I hope that your T appointment today will help. What does pdoc say? Did you ever change to a different one?

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better again.