(((Typo)))

Yes, Typo, I've done that many times. Too many times

I hope that you are able to get through the cloud. I can remember a time, in which I was in my mid-20's: had a job, was going to school, and was with a good man. I did try hard to do my best, but those scary memories would pop into my head every couple of years. Scared the begeezers out of me every time! Just little flakes of the memories ~ and in came repression of the terror I felt inside.

In retrospect, it seems that whether we like it or not, that illness comes through one way or another. When I wasn't battling panic attacks, I was having seizures. When I wasn't having seizures, I was fighting major depression and isolation. Always something. I hated it ~ I hated that my life was so dramatic. But, that's the way it has always been.

I think that I am finally getting a hold of memories from my youth, but I am struggling (as usual ) in coming to terms with these things. Acceptance is VERY hard for me. I think that until I do accept, I will be feeling this emotional turmoil. And while I am very anxious for this turmoil to end, I don't know how to accept it. I just feel as though I can't. So, I'm stuck. I can't go back to repression, and I can't go forward to acceptance.