I can understand your concern. In the past, when I was unmedicated, I was, not to put to fine a point on it, a Bible basher. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a Christian, I still read the Bible, I still pray. But I used to think that taking psych meds was dangerous, and forbidden by the Bible (one word in Greek in Revelations... I thought meds for mental distress were tantamount to witchcraft... as you can imagine I had to get REALLY ill before accepting help.) I used to think that my hallucinations were demons or angels, I used to think I was in direct contact with God.

Even writing the above, I'm frightened on some level that I'm denying Christ, by implying that Christianity is a mental illness. That's not what I mean at all, but I really think when I was ill I turned it into something it's not.

Sometimes I feel unhappy about my meds, because I feel (just a little bit) that they've stolen God from me, by which I mean those intense feelings I had about Him before I was diagnosed and accepted help. I used to believe that Jesus could heal me, that my mental health problems were a judgement, that psych meds were part of a conspiracy to destroy people's souls.

At the time it didn't seem crazy to me... and years before this when I was going through another episode, it didn't seem crazy to me that I thought I'd been abducted by aliens (I could even feel the implant behind my left ear, and picked at my belly button till it bled, trying to get the implant out of it.) That seemed sane to me at the time. And before that it was fairies.

I find it distressing that something I do believe in intellectual grounds has been invalidated in the eyes of others by my attacks of the "crazies." I couldn't even tell my psychiatrist that I'd been a Bible thumper, since I thought if I said anything I'd go to hell for denying Christ. This is the first time I've been honest about it... and I'm still scared.

Sorry to have waffled... hope it all made some kind of sense.