Dialogue with Sunset (Thanks for writing!!!):

Q: I do indeed think you are being judgmental about the friendship part. It sounds like their friendship was strong enough to withstand this difficult event. The therapist made a mistake, an important one. It is not being ignored by the licensing board and presumably he is being disciplined. It sounds like your T has maintained his friendship. That could potentially speak well of him, not ill. It's hard to say for sure with the limited information available.

A: Maybe I am being judgmental about the friendship part, but is that a bad thing? Maybe I have high expectations for people, but I'm letting him into my head. That is a HUGE leap of faith, act of trust, etc. Maybe it's a good thing he stuck by his friend, in the grand scheme of things, but if it makes me uncomfortable, I should not remain in this environment. Ah, I don't know.

Q: I think the topic of your T's colleague is an important one to you and could potentially be therapy-interfering unless you bring it up. However, I would suggest a face to face conversation instead of the letter. Also, your T may not have the kind of authority to ask this therapist to leave the practice, even if he wanted to. Many Ts share office space, waiting room, and some costs (like photocopier), but they are essentially all independent practitioners. It is not up to your T to discipline his colleague; the licensing board will take care of that. If your T doesn't want to share space with him, your T could move. This does not sound like it is the case.

A: I don't know the intricacies of their lease agreement and financials. It's just... the presence of Mr. X seems like a condoning of past actions.... for whatever reason. Maybe convenience, maybe loyalty to a friend, but it feels like some values are being subverted in doing so, and that's giving me a bad feeling. As for the letter, it's for you all, not him. As for the possibility of this interfering with my therapy, yes, I agree, but I also worry that the conversation that results may lead me to terminate my therapy. And with losing my mom a few months ago, my T has been a constant presence in my life (one that was there before her death and after). I don't know if I am ready to cut ties with him. He's a link to the past, to my relationship with my mom when she was still alive, and thinking about ending therapy makes me think about grief, death, loss.

Q: The part about your feeling that your T does not want to discuss your sexuality is very important and should be addressed. I don't think that is related necessarily to your T being male. Many male therapists are capable of speaking directly about sexual topics with their clients.

A: Eh, I'm kinda asexual right now anyway. I'm feeling like it's overrated and I don't really care. I just notice that I don't care and find it unusual.