Everyone who has responded so far, made very valid points and questions. If I were to insist on living apart, there would be a big fight where he wouldn't want to bother keeping this house - it's too big for an adult and 2 kids. The housing market is bad ATM and because we declared bankruptcy, we don't have credit, therefore I woudn't be able to get a mortgage for a smaller house nor would he feel like helping. So I would be stuck renting a less than nice apartment with no guarantee it would be in this area. The kids would have to change schools and that would upset them. I would still have to deal with their father so the kids could see him. The only change would be him not sleeping in his room nd I don't think it makes sense to do all that just to avoid seeing him for the short time he's here.

When I wrote this I was triggered that day but generally we interact good together in front of the kids. I'm not making excuses for him, but he's been dealing with emotional issues the last 6 yrs - lingering depression and family dysfunction on his side. He was also physically abused and his own father periodically beat his mother when he was a boy. The girls understand I'm choosing the best option for them ATM. If I pressure him ATM to split, it would spell financial disaster, just when we're beginning to get our financial legs moving again. I can't be 'selfish' and just think of myself only.

I've reached a point after all the anger and sadness of this shock, to see this from a rational point of view and behave like an adult. In my mind I look at him as the father of my kids and as a human being who has issues himself. I feel sorry for him sometimes. On a daily basis we rarely argue, except for occasional annoyances. I know this is hard to comprehend. Yes there have been times where I've hated him but there are also times when I have compassion and see him as a wounded man. Yes some think he deserves to be hurt like I was, but that would hurt my girls. I like this quote "love your kids more than you hate your ex". Living separately won't make him disappear completely and we'll be in worse shape emotionally and monitarily.