Pg!!! On a scale of 1 to 10 you sound like -10000000 right now. This is definitely depression, seriously depression. You can't give up as there are a lot of things you haven't even tried yet. You just can't. What about different medications? What about ECT? What about couples counselling? What about working part time and getting a live in nanny? There are so many different ways you can make reality accomodate you, it doesn't always have to be the other way around. I wish I could help you feel more hopeful and I hope that you can hear what others here are saying too. It sounds like you are in such an awful ordeal but don't abandon yourself and your hopes and dreams!!!!!!