Thanks, Stormy! I don't necessarily "want" a diagnosis, I just want to know what I'm up against. Is it chemical, biological, learned behavior, personality disorder, etc... I actually didn't realise that a psychological evaluation was separate from psychotherapy... Maybe I should look into that?

At least grouping me in one of those categories would help my peace of mind & let me know what kind of haul I'm in for. I don't like surprises & I don't like dredging up the past if I don't need to.

It also irritates me that the things I find strangest about myself, my T makes no comment on. Like cutting myself at work when I feel like crying... the fact I really have no feelings for most people... the fact I fantasize about torturing and killing people I despise... I could be wrong, but it seems these things might be more important to address rather than how I feel about my mother. I feel my mom is hopelessly flawed, but I love her as she is & care about her well-being, so I just don't get it.

Gah! Sorry, I'm just ranting now... as I tend to do. Thanks to everyone for their input!