There's a difference between being considered "permanently disabled" and being "always sick". I had a hard time with this as well, but have come to terms with it. I am on Social Security Disability for my bipolar, but I have good periods. That is the nature of the illness. We have good periods. But with me, the bad periods are sudden and unpredictable and prevent me from working on a consistent basis right now. And, just because I am considered "disabled" right now doesn't mean I will never work again. I was on SSDI back in 2000 and eventually was able to return to work in 2003. I worked for seven years in a very technical, demanding position before getting really sick again and having to return to SSDI.

So, being declared "disabled" isn't necessarily the end of the world. If you're really not able to work, which it sounds like to me from what you've said, then it may be worth your while to see if you qualify for SSDI. It's not welfare, it's basically a government insurance plan that you've paid into through your payroll FICA taxes. That's the "I" in SSDI.

I'd get the letter from your doctor.