This is my life in the last 10 years:

Broken marriage
Two more broken long term relationships
Dad had a stroke
Dad diagnosed with Alzheimers
Ex-husband remarries and says he's planning to have children (never wanted them with me)
More recent relationship remarries 6 months after he leaves me
Dad admitted to home 3 weeks ago
Mom sick from the stress of care-giving to my Dad
I lose it...

Does anyone out there understand how these events could cause anxiety and depression? My friends don't really seem to understand and can't see why I'm off work now for an extended period of time.

I just started Effexor today and have been weaning myself off of Ativan which I've been taking for about 5 weeks.

Tonight, I'm beside myself with anxiety. I feel guilty because I have only been to visit my dad once (it makes me so sad). I haven't been able to get out to see them because our weather has been bad and the highways to dangerous to drive on.

My self-esteem has been knocked around and stomped on so many times. People don't understand why I have such low self-esteem - they say I'm successful, smart, attractive, blah, blah, blah. I never believe a word of it.

I hate this. I don't want to live my life thinking I will never have a good person in my life again who will love me for who I am but I feel so totally hopeless right now. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!

I really am not wallowing in self-pity - I hate when people pity me. I just don't understand why my life has taken these turns! I think I'm a good person and sometimes, people take advantage of that good in me and I end up a mess.

Anyone understand?