Poetgirl,

You aren't bothering anyone here. We care about you! And you need the support right now. So please don't go away!

I agree with the others that you sound clinically depressed. I know because I've been there, i recognize the thought patterns. I encourage you to look into the med situation.

I know things feel absolutely hopeless right now, but that is because you are seeing everything under the dark cloud of depression. It makes everything feel unbalanced and SOOO much worse than usual.

I know you have a difficult situation in life to deal with, and i'm not saying that your external circumstances are not causing you to feel hopeless. But what i am saying is that when you are clinically depressed, you are not able to think clearly about the situation you are in, or to see that there is hope and possibility for dealing with it successfully.

You are not a bad person or a bad mom! A bad mom wouldn't care about how she affected her kids. You are concerned about the effect you have on them. Don't listen to the self-hate. I had so much of that myself during the worst part of my depression. Don't believe what the depression keeps telling you. It is wrong.

You can pull through this! We're all here with you, holding on.