Thank you to all who responded. It really means more to me than you know just to have someone who understands take time out to reply to someone they dont even know.
To Leed- I am very glad the Abilify has worked so well for you. I am very hesitant to add any more meds as I am on so many already and I am only 32. I thought Lamictal was my miracle drug... once I got to that therapeutic dose I thought things would never be the same. Unfortunatly, they are again- and I've only been taking it 2 months so it's not like I am becoming tolerant to it already. I just don't understand.

To Byzantine and Madi- Oh how I long for a time where the lows aren't so devestating. At this point I don't even care how high the highs are- I just want to keep my head above water.
And I write CONSTANTLY. the trouble is filtering through the mess of words because my head goes into a million places at once. So triggers, I have yet to identify. I know I will have some small problem... very miniscule, like needed to do the laundry, or pay bills or whatever and just break down and feel overwhelmed and lose it.

Anyway, I talked with my counselor today and we were on a subject I really didn't want to be on so I left the office more angry than when I went in. I told him I didn't want to be on the subject but he seemed to think I needed to be so he continued. And I love my counselor and would never switch (been seeing him over a year- which is the longest for me) but he talks to darn much! I wish he'd ask more questions. Sometimes he sits in silence waiting for me to say something and it's really uncomfortable. I can write all day- but I need to be prompted to talk. And when I don't talk, he does. So it's really my fault but still....