I was downsized in July 1, 2005. It took 2 years to get SSDI. Since then nothing has happen to help my bipolar. I have been from clinic to clinic, one drug after the other. When I finally found a med (symbyax), medicare would not pay for it. So I am back to taking meds that do nothing for my depression. Frankly I would truly love to have just one real manic episode, just to get out this depression for awhile. I think if I woke up happy it would scare the life out of me. I go from mild depression to suicidal and back to mild depression. At least living alone I don't affect anyone else with my moods. Medicare leaves a lot to be desired. I have run into the problem of find a Pdoc and Tdoc. Either they are not excepting new patients now or they don't want Medicare patients. Either way I am alone. So I stay in bed nothing to get up for. I am so tired of existing. Before I couldn't sleep now all I want to do is sleep. I have spent the last 6 years vegetating. So this is what being disabled means. Having no desire to do anything. I have had enough