What I like about your posts silverbells is that you have come to the realization that you are the one in charge of your own recovery so to speak. And that is the beginning of ending the thoughts of "nobody cares". And it is not about getting to a point where society deems us well, because that would run the risk of mask making.

It is more about finding our own sense of peace and understanding and our own individuality. It is not about how you are loved and appreciated, it has to come from how you love and learn to appreciate yourself. And that means letting go of the feelings of your own shortcomings and failures. And it also includes accepting that others are just going to be different with their own opinions and sense of self value.

We often judge ourselves on our ability to contol others around us and even become too sensitive to the opinions of others. One has to ask him/herself do I distaste socializing because I cannot accept the opinions of others? Or do I just decide that whatever I feel, others don't need to feel it too and I don't need high fives all the time to maintain my self esteem.

I see that you mentioned self help books silverbells, and that is a good way to continue your own journey at working on your self awareness. And that is the key.
You have realized finally that a therapist can be the embodyment of someone who can help you find ways to not be so critical of others and yourself. However the truth about gaining is not to just get angry if a therapist doesn't instantly dangle the keyes to your recovery. You have to try different keys yourself in therapy and on your own.

Sit in front of a mirror and stare at your own face. Introduce yourself to you and say, well, I am not perfect and I may think I know a lot, but I am just here for a while so I might as well lighten up and continue to learn and make efforts to enjoy life better.

Open Eyes