agma, you are never going to be perfect, you are expecting too much from yourself.

You have to begin by giving up on the perfection, perfect house, car, cleanliness,hairdo, clothes, appearance. Yes that came from your past but let that go, it is amazing how much freedom you will feel. It is all in your own mind, you are just pushing too hard. That is such a waste and by cutting yourself you are only making your body carry scars that keep it from expressing it's natural beauty.

Perfect is the imperfections that are normal in life. Take a walk outside and look at nature, nothing is perfect, nothing. There is no such thing as perfect, you need to develope the perfection at being able to just let go. Say, I am perfect at just letting go. And it is often anxiety turned inwards which makes you punish yourself.

Perhaps you should take up bonzi trees and learn to cut and trim and manicure them. I hope you are getting therapy for this. It is not about harming yourself if you want to, it is about learning not to harm yourself because you want to, you have not learned how to get rid of anger and frustration yet. You need to find another outlet to do that.

Open Eyes