Big hugs to you, Granite. This stuff is hard, and people have to get through it in their own way at their own pace. And T's know that.

For myself, I know that when I start feeling this way, it's always as much about trying to distance myself from my T (cause I'm feeling anxious about our relationship) as anything else. Just yesterday I told my T that I still (after more than 2 years) really want to hide behind the sofa when I get there every week because talking feels impossble. I find the idea of connecting with her to be both the most desirable and most terrifying thing I can think of.

Anyway, I guess I'm wondering, with all of that, is it really just about what you're saying, or is it more about your relationship w/ T? And what do you think can make it better in either case?