[quote=poetgirl76;1933853]BTW, does anyone think I am playing games, and just being borderline? A friend who was on my case this morning thinks I am just playing games and CHOOSING to think this way, CHOOSING to be in the pit, quote]

I sometimes have the thought, when I'm feeling at my worst, like I'm outside of myself watching myself making poor choices or choosing to be miserable or whatever. So I get why a person might say that. But the thing is, as that's happening, it seems impossible (in a deep, cellular way) to make a different choice. I mean, I know other choices exist...but there is no possible way I can find in those moments to make a different choice. It's a horrible feeling.

And I hear how horrible you're feeling right now, too. I hope you get some peace and light soon.