Lost my home, my family, my job, my self worth, my mind,my child.

Was living on the streets barely, hustling doing whatever i could not to eat not to find shelter or bathe but to get my next fix. i will keep out the more graphic specifics about that day i feel it's too much for an open forum.

I was sitting there with a black eye and cut lip swollen face, about to shoot up and i rememebr looking up unable to cry or talk everything else just seemed to disapear and i knew i just knew i was either going to die right then and there or get up and walk away from it all.
i slowly started walking to a church that also held NA meetings. I sat down what felt like hours waiting for people to show. i remember my body was yelling at me not to but somewhere deep inside i wanted to. i remember this person squatted down in front of me and he said welcome and i raised my head looked him in the eye and started crying and i didn't stop. so i just tuned out the ugly words my brain was telling me and took in what my new friends had to say.

it took ten years for my family to be my family again since i have in and out of treatment my whole life. countless times. and then as soon as i started talking to my mother again she passed away. i have some internet friends and 2 friends close to me. all the other people i knew are out of my life. although i was alone anyways towards the end, the end of my old life!

and even though i got clean long ago i have only started learning how to cope and how to deal with my feelings and to live life. i missed out on all those things since i started using at such an early age. but i have never felt more free than i do right now from all my anger, all consuming anger finally gone and now i can begin to grow.

I don't rememebr a lot of things my memory is really bad and i think i have also blocked a lot of things. but i remember that day.