Tay... your post brought me to tears. There were times when my children were young and I thought they would be better off without me but somehow I always managed to think of the lifelong pain they'd be left with, and I realized I owed it to them to be here for them as long as possible. That's what kept me alive sometimes, because I somehow managed to remember that my own pain was nothing compared to the legacy of pain I would end up leaving behind for them to bear. I loved them too much to sentence them to a lifetime of unnecessary pain.
PG, somehow you have to find it within you to keep going, if not for yourself, then for your kids. Nothing can replace a mother's love.