Thanks for replying AC! It's all just so surreal because I've just felt so lucky to share those kind of feelings with someone else. I've been married before, but I was never in love with him and it took me a long time to get up the courage to leave. So to find a connection like that has been so amazing to me. But I also ignored the fact that the last 2 years have been less great. He said he thought it was me and that I was keeping him from doing stuff like going out to the bars. So he did that and found it wasn't what he was looking for. Tried karaoke which used to make him so happy. Didn't do it. He realized that it wasn't me who was making him unhappy, it was something inside himself that needed to get fixed. He took responsibility for it all, for the first time in a long time. He said "I was blaming you just like I blame you for everything.".

I mean he really did have a breakthrough and I'm so glad because I've been wanting him to deal with his childhood since I met him. He has nightmares regularly about his hometown - usually running or hiding from people or people trying to break into his house. I told him that when those stop, he'll know he's started healing. They'll be his "mental barometer".

It's only been a week and a half since I've moved out. But I'm doing a lot better. I just have this feeling that this all had to happen this way for him to realize he needed professional help. He said he would really try to be more patient and nicer but it just wouldn't last. I told him it's because he doesn't have the tools to do it and that's something a therapist has been educated extensively on to show you how to use them. I am going to do my best to not have expectations. He said the same thing - he doesn't want me to wait for him because I've been doing that for the past 6 years. I'm a natural optimist and try to see the positive in everything - even being single again and remembering the things that I love just for me... not putting someone else's needs first. I feel like this entire situation is bigger than us. So I'm kinda just gonna go for the ride and try to trust my instincts. I'm gonna keep my expectations in check. I do want to be supportive to him because everyone else gave up on him. G*d pisses me off. But I can't put all of myself out there either. So, like the first year and a half where I just let things be until he was ready to do things like call me his girlfriend and say he loves me, I won't push. Sometimes I can do that when I think I'm "helping". So that's something I can work on too. Plus being more social sometimes... it's too easy to say no when you're just as happy to be at home. I'm taking my first Krav Maga Martial Arts class tomorrow so wish me luck!