I am in therapy. I just have so many issues going at the same time that I fear I'll never be able to touch on them all, much less make any headway (not to mention I'm in the public mental healthcare system, so once I do start to make leeway with a therapist, he or she always moves on, abandoning me.) I suspect that some of my agoraphobia and social anxiety stems from the fact that I am transgendered. I'm being read as male 99% of the time on the street... I'll get "ma'am" sometimes only because I have long hair and carry a "man bag" wherever I go. I'm often worried that once I get too close to someone and disclose, or if they suspect on their own independently, that I'll be rejected due to the fact that my physical gender doesn't match my internal gender.

Yes, I am a member of the LGBTQ group but haven't become active there yet. I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes since I don't usually participate in forums on the 'net. I'm more of a blogger usually.

My case manager, working in the role of a therapist, knows about these issues. He is LGBT-friendly, so I feel open to discussing my gender and sexuality issues with him. Like I said, I'm just so overwhelmed with problems that I feel like I'll never get around to addressing anything, much less actually resolving them. Because of my PTSD, I've always had a sense of shortened lifespan; frankly I'm surprised I made it to age 35. I was almost killed in a car crash when I was 14 and almost didn't make it. I count myself lucky to have made it this far. But because I'm starting to have issues with my diabetes, and let's face it, none of us are getting any younger, I feel like I'm running out of time. I won't get the chance to experience most of what life has to offer already, and if I don't hurry up and get better, at least in part, then I may die alone and unloved as well.

-Kyle