T hurt my feelings tonight and made me cry. (again)

She didn't swear at me this time. It was just her tone. I had a horrible night last night with way too many flashbacks. Learned today that my mom has cancer.

I text T and asked her to call me. She called withing a few minutes and I said "hello" and she said "Hello" but it wasn't the usual chipper hello, it was the "somebody pissed in my cornflakes and I think it was you hello" then she said "What. What do you want?" (Gee, that sounds real genuine...) Then she proceeds to say "What is it about you that makes you think that you are so special that you can call me whenever you want and then expect me to call you back like I owe it to you? You are the only patient I have that does this. I think you think that you are worse off then every other patient I have. You aren't. There are many that have had it a lot worse than you and they never call me. Yes you have flashbacks, yes they are hard but you got through them. You are so dependent on me and you think that you need to call me to help you get through anything that is bad and you don't need to do that and it needs to stop. So what is so important that you needed me to call you?"

I was to taken aback and upset and fighting tears that I kinda mumbled it at first. She asked me to speak up and stop mumbling so that she could understand me, I repeated myself and said "My mom has cancer." She asked what kind and if it is treatable, I told her that I don't know. Then I started crying and told her that it sounded like she is mad at me and she said that yes she is, more irritated then mad at me. Irritated with how dependent I am on her and how mad she is at herself for letting this happen.

By this point I was crying and apologising she said I didn't need to apologise but she needs to let me know when she is irritated with me. I said I called her because I wanted to tell her about my mom and she (T) called and got mad at me. She said every other patient would have waited until their session with her to tell her that. I told her that she was the one that said she was going to phone me and then stopped calling me all together and she said that she shouldn't have done that. Then she said that she isn't going to call me anymore. And is going to text me way less. Then she talked about boundaries and how I cross them because I don't understand them. Then she made a really hurtful comment to me about my lack of friends...

-sniffles and tears- I guess that's all I can post right now. I am in desperate need of a kleenex and a smoke in a bad way...