This is an interesting thread and a good topic for all of us to consider and remark on.

When I came to PC I did need support. And I didn't quite know what to expect to be honest. In the beginning when I read the forums it was as if everyone was asking for help and I was really moved. I actually saw some very lonely threads and I wanted to reach through the screen and give real hugs and support. I was also angry as many people were really treated so poorly growing up as well.

There are two things that come to mind that I really wanted to address. I have been told many times that I am very misunderstood. And I have also been told that I should be a psychologist but therapists. Now you would think that it would make me feel good to be told that second statement. I didnt find that to be true. It made me feel worse because I really wanted help, and not be a teacher for the therapist. I actually felt frightened by it, I was told I was smart and very good at figuring out others. It actually made me angry, well, if I am so good at helping others than why cant I help myself? And I didn't see me to be smart, I felt more that therapists didn't really know how to give therapy and it was a waste of time and I really wanted therapy. The truth is I wanted to be critisized or redirected, not complimented on how I understood and addressed others. I was outright angry, because if I did address others correctly I would not have been in therapy to begin with. And there was that constant saying, "Your just too smart". I really resented that, and maybe I was very good at navigating around others by understanding them in some way, but to be honest it did take a toll. It took a toll because often I was right and other people were offended when I could call them correctly, or seemed to know their secret. And people didn't want to know their secret or that I knew their secret and so they either got angry with me or avoided me or only used me to check and see how they improved on their methods of hiding their true emotions. Or even more they would only approach me for advice on how other people could get away with their bad behaviors.

So I had to learn to compensate around others and I thought I had learned to cope.
But guess what, I didn't learn how to cope, I was tallying up unknowingly something that would eventually turn into PTSD that stretched back over many years. Oh, I was so smart and used many good methods of trying to stay positive and productive.
But I was storring too, I was doing it unconsciously. So, if I was that smart than I wouldnt be where I am now. So I just don't believe that line at all.

So when I came to PC, I wanted to let myself hang out there and see what others saw that I didn't see. Where is this smart person the therapists say exists, and why is she misunderstood? And, what is this thing called PTSD? And how does it really effect me and how can I work through it?

Well, I do see that I am too empathetic and I do go pretty deep and sometimes I see things others don't but I am not always right. Luckily others have pointed out some of my short comings. Well thank you for that, because now I have something to work with. Even if it is seeing someone addressing something that I am addressing unknowingly. Or even if someone has experienced the same things I have and had a similar result of confusion.

I have also seen damage from my past and that is mostly in my writing
I have to go back to posts and see the missing words as my brain is faster than my speach, something that was injured in my youth and I have been working on that for a long time. And I also read my posts as sometimes if I am really struggling they tend to ramble. So I get to use them for a emotional barometor with dates and times and I can think about those days and what happened to cause this emotional stress that comes and it also effects my posts.

I actually have a friend that can see it too. He often PM's me and asks me what is up, my posts are changing. I am then drawn back to see what he is seeing and it helps me to notice things more clearly. I think of him as one of my gifts, not as a critical person but as a person who is not afraid to point things out to me.

So PC can be a very good tool for letting yourself come out and be welcome to critisizm. And as many here have mentioned, we can read back our thoughts and perhaps visually see where our own perceptions may be off. And even work on trying to learn from that and see how we can improve ourselves.

Theodora, I noticed that you don't post a lot. And I am glad you did.
You can erase yourself from including yourself or you can be brave and try to join in and let PC help you. You have a picture of a bird flying, so that means you really want to do that right? But what you are doing is what that picture is doing, just staying in one place and only flapping your wings. Your wings can flap, yes they are there, but you have to take off and fly a bit. You have find your balance in flight and navigate the winds of others and learn to fly around it and build strength. And I think you do try to leave that nest but only for a moment then you quickly fly back.

But your not alone in that, there are other posts in here that are stating the same, just a little differently. When I see others try their wings here, I really like it. I know it isn't easy, but you have to keep trying.

Open Eyes