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Originally Posted by CrazyButSweet
Forget the cats! Find them homes in a good no-kill shelter. Who's going to take care of them when you are dead? I gave away all my animals when I left my abusive husband, and put my son into foster care for 3 months until I got on my feet. It makes me angry to hear that you are more concerned for your cats than yourself!
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i'm sorry i'm making you angry, you must not have read my other posts. he does not physically abuse me. He does not ever threaten to hurt me. i have no fear of living hear as far as my physical self goes. I thought that was clear. i have been in a physically abusive situation and I know what that's like and i left the state. this is different. And since you have been there, which I'm very sorry you have had to go through, why would you try to make me feel worse? Those cats mean the world to me and I'm not getting rid of them.
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Originally Posted by Perna
If he is not physically abusive and you do not feel endangered in that way; I would work on getting a plan together for yourself, never mind whether he likes the crying or not! I would even work on making a plan together with him; perhaps more conversation/discussion might help your situation.
Have you all had a real conversation about how the marriage doesn't seem to be working without blaming one another? It sounds like you are both major stressed and that certainly can cause angry outbursts and negativity, especially I think in a man not taught a whole lot of other ways to deal with his stress?
I would tell him you would like to try a separation and ask him would he help you. Definitely try to find places for the cats for a bit; lots of times humane societies will "hold" or foster them, especially if you are in such a difficult situation.
If it is mental/emotional abuse you are dealing with, see if making a plan for yourself and working on it helps block most of the hurt/focus on the abuse. Looking outward and toward your own future should get your head/heart going forward instead of feeling quite so stuck.
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I do have a plan.
Get a job, get some money and leave ASAP.
i have keys to my friend's places if I have to leave in a hurry and my mother in law loves the cats and i can count on her to watch them short term. There are 2 shelters where i can keep them temporarily as well.
Any kind of discussion with him is futile. He he doesn't want to have a conversation unless it's on his terms - if i bring it up he doesn't want to talk about it and changes the subject except to yell that he is NOT GETTING HELP.
We are definitely both stressed.
I think his mother let him react like this - she told me he's always been like this so she never did anything to change it.
i don't want to try a separation, i want to leave and I'm aftaid if i tell him that he'll kick me out.
Luckily I'm good at getting jobs. Had an interview yesterday - 2 today and one next week. Things are already looking up.
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Looking outward and toward your own future should get your head/heart going forward instead of feeling quite so stuck
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YES!!! It does.