Oh Laura, i am so sad to hear that you're feeling like this, i just want you to remember that THIS WILL PASS! We all know how it goes, its just our brains messing with our emotions and we can actually fight it and not let it get away with it.
It makes us believe we're weaker than we are, but i know you're so much stronger.
We're all here and we all understand what you're going through.
Its so tough, and you cant see it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel (cliche i know) it true.
I'm here if you want to talk, i check back every so often.
Just wait until you've spoken to your support worker, she may be able to offer some help.
In my experience, instinct tells us whether a meds going to work, maybe if you were more compliant they would work better, but if you feel better off them, then tell that to your doc.
MASSIVE HUGS TO YOU LAURA.
XXX