I hate it when I sink to this place....this bottomless, empty pit of pain and lifelessness....

I watched the Jaycee Dugard interview with Diane Sawyer the other night (posted on abuse forum) and it sent me spiraling....

I saw T the next day, and we both recognized the place that I was in. That deep dark hole of misery....blech. T encouraged me to access that ball of anxiety - and once I did, the tears started pouring out - but only for a short itme. It was overwhelming, the sadness....and I told T that it felt bottomless.

I moved away from the sadness....and shared more about how I am just giving up....I am too tired to try anymore. In too much pain. Too overwhelmed....Too miserable...Life has pretty much just stopped.....

T said that we talked a little bit about the sadness, but that he encourages me to let myself feel it more fully - and that it is more detrimental to keep it inside. He wants to get back to it at my next session which is tomorrow.

*sigh*

I'm really struggling with this.....I look behind me and see awfulness....I look ahead and feel fear....I stand still and feel both.....I can't seem to escape the misery.....



Because of all my dr appts., my daughter is staying with family who has other kids and a nice pool, having a great time, 4 days a week. I am thankful for this, so she can enjoy her summer....but it leaves me with just ME. And I'm not sure that's healthy for me at this moment....My sleep patterns are messed up. I am forgetting to eat until I feel like I'm going to pass out....I have zero energy. NONE. Blech....