Laura
I spent nearly twenty years cycling thru suicide and mania. trying meds in the later years. depakote made me feel horrible. i hated it. it was only these last few years that i got serious about meds because i knew i would be dead if i didnt find something to stabilize me. as close as i was to suicide tho, i always knew i would cycle out of those feelings, i would just have to hold on long enough. it was hard, but i did it. now i just tell myself "these feelings are fleeting" when those thoughts pop into my head. but i got agressive with the medication, i tried nearly everything. i would not tolerate side effects that took away from me or endangered my health or made me sleep too long. finally we found the right med for me, it wasnt a cocktail of six as they once had me on, just one, haldol. and i have been symptom free for over a year and a half now. i found that light at the end of the tunnel. its been great. now i am working on who am i without mental illness running my life. hang in there.