I am a nervous wreck about it. Band camp starts at the beginning of August and goes all the way until school starts, and then there's school itself. My abuser is two years older than me and this year I am just now starting high school as a 9th grader. I got out of the abusive situation last school year in the fall, and only recently have I been officially diagnosed with PTSD by my T. We've been talking this over, and going over what to do if she does confront me during this, or act on me in a sudden violent way. But I am still so nervous and paranoid - not just of the "what ifs" but of all the unpleasant memories that I know are going to smother me, just at the sound of her voice and having her in the same room. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to focus on the music and marching when I get so hyper-vigilant and tense.

And all school year I'll have to deal with her... seeing her in the hallways, having her in the same area as me all through football/marching season... I don't know how I'll be able to handle the nerves. My T has been telling me all about how she no longer has any power over me, and how charges will be pressed if she does anything again - and the only thing weighing me down is myself and that's what I need to rise above. It's just so difficult not to get sucked into this... I can't control it.

I want to enjoy life and be a normal teenager. I don't want to live like this forever, suffocating in my own memories, things from the [I]past[I] that I should have discarded long ago!

I am just so nervous about this all starting up... I know she's been spreading rumors about me, as I've heard them through the grapevine. I've learned things about myself that I had no idea existed! I don't want her to make my life any more of a hell than she already has.