Thanks, cats....((( HUGS )))

I am having trouble taking care of me right now.

I am too tired. Tired of being in physical pain all the time. Looking around my house, knowing I can't keep up with it. Being on short term disability and not having adequate income right now, so my bank account keeps dwindling...

Not wanting to ever go back to work because I hate that place, with an abusive boss, yet knowing that it would be incredibly difficult to find a job elsewhere without a degree making what I make....my company seems to be going under anyway, so it might be something I have to face anyway....but how, when I am in so much pain all the time?

Trying to be a good mom while feeling such despair...Trying to keep up with the demands of parenthood when I have no energy and am in too much pain to be who she needs me to be for her....

Being in such emotional distress over past life events...and more current life events....and looking ahead to only more uphill battles that I have no energy to combat.

Not having the energy or the strength to get through what I need to in therapy....dealing with CSA, SA, physical abuse, and an abusive marriage....

And being SO SO alone....I was with my ex-husband since I was 18 years old...and for the last 2+ years since our break-up, I have been so alone....even though it was an unhealthy marriage, I had someone....a companion, a lover, someone to help me with the house, the bills, etc. And because of my fears, low self-esteem and insecurities, I can't imagine being with anyone else....and my friendships - very few - are either superficial or unhealthy....

I just don't have the energy to go on right now. I am at a standstill in this sad, dark, lonely place....