It ain't all about me. (there's some "hidden wisdom" for you)

I have been thinking about this alot.

And I also thought about the other times when I heard that very same statement.

For the first six years of my marriage I was living with a binge alcoholic. I was trying to be a good wife and could see some issues that were getting in my way. And they were very disruptive issues like someone drunk and urinating in the bed next to me, someone who didn't always come home at night and I never knew where he was and someone who harassed me about having sex and someone who got up and urinated in the closet in the middle of the night. So I complained of this ongoing behavior, and that is one time I heard that statement, "it is not about you, you need help find a therapist, you are imagining things" And finally my husband, upon my statement that I could not take anymore went to his first AA meeting. And for a long time I was alone while he went to many meetings and IT HAD TO BE ALL ABOUT HIM. I had to sit and learn how to accept that this is what recovery meant and that I HAD TO WAIT AND BE PATIENT WHILE HE FOCUSED ON HIM. And that went on for many years. Statistically the partner of an alcoholic stays long enough to see the partner become sober and THEN THEY LEAVE THE PERSON WHO HAS TO BE ALL ABOUT RECOVERY. For the life of me, I could not find a mentor that took the same path as me, I STAYED AND TRIED TO WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP AROUND HIS PROBLEM. And for the most part I was very lonely and it wasn't easy. And I tried everything I could to not sit and wine and make it all about me, I worked at trying to focus on being productive and pushing foward.

I have been at a point in my life where I am looking back and really thinking about your statement Theodora. And I have to say that every time I spoke up I was pretty much addressed with that same saying "its not about you" Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I can say that ever since I can remember I thought more about other people and their issues and how I had to work around their issues IN SPITE OF ME OR MY OWN ISSUES. So pretty much, I DIDN'T MAKE IT ABOUT ME. And the funny thing is that when the issues of others were in my lap, I did everything possible to remain focused on continuing to be a productive person. And somehow, for some reason I was addressed when I really stuggled that IT SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT ME.

Now I am finally at a point where I am constantly being told TO FIX MYSELF. And that I HAVE TO DO THE WORK. And I am constantly being told to stop worrying about other people and WORRY ABOUT ME.

I even had a therapist that was concerned about me coming to PC. His main question to me is that because I have had to deal with fixing others I need to learn how TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT ME. So I kept that in mind and when I post I try to bring me into the post so that I am also remembering that I do HAVE TO FOCUS ON ME.

My husband asked me this weekend about PC. I told him it was very helpful and supportive. He asked me if others WERE GIVING ME FEED BACK AND IF IT WAS A TWO WAY STREET. He told me that I had to consider if I WAS GETTING ANY HELP MYSELF.

I never had a thread about my own saga. And I didn't want to have a saga. And I still don't want to have a saga. But unfortunately I do have a saga. And it has torn most of my sails so to speak and I have a lot of guilt about it as well as anxiety, anger and now depression.

So I finally decided to start a thread in the Other mental health discussion forum. And I tried to look at it as some way of trying to express the about me that I didn't like or was trying to work on or some of the ways I look at the different emotions that I am addressing. And I think I got two replies (thank you by the way).

Maybe your life was all about you Theodora, maybe you had to finally learn that you somehow needed to change that. Maybe somehow you can fly above the forums in your sense of being further along and say to yourself, not about me, about them, their issues not mine.

As far as I am concerned the table full of bills on my table and struggling with that and the scars I have from OTHER PEOPLES ISSUES and the crippled animals I tend to every day, day in and day out, and trying to figure out what to do with an aging attorney and a real jerk for a neighbor that seems to not understand boundaries.
Aren't you glad to know those aren't your problems and you can just fly above it.
To be honest, I have been doing nothing but try to figure out how to not make the things I deal with every day NOT MY PROBLEMS or NOT ABOUT ME.

Crying........are you scratching your head yet? Oh, I noticed you erased that post, how convenient. Did you notice I erased my post that talked about my deep struggles that I DO NOT WANT TO BE ABOUT ME? I was so tired with my sunburn crying eyes and reading your reply that I went up to my bed and all I wanted to do was to be able to DELETE ME. Because I AM TIRED OF IT BEING ABOUT ME.

So I have to really think about what my responses to posts say about me.

And you know what? I couldn't sleep, and I didn't know what to do or think.
I had thought that many of my posts meant that I still cared about other people that were struggling and every time I addressed them, I was somehow learning how to address myself and find a way to find energy and the will to tackle each day through presenting postive thoughts. And I thought that that is how PC worked.

I came back to PC to try to look for some way of rethinking my confusion. To my surprise I had some WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL PM's . And I thought about what my husband asked me about if I was getting support too? And I can finally answer that question with NO DOUBT. Somehow others saw that I was hurt or they were GENUINELY CONCERNED FOR ME. And for me to see that others here understand that I am TRYING as best as I can and I DO NOT FLY ABOVE THEM BUT AM WITH THEM.
It brought me the HOPE that I needed to KEEP TRYING. And I have one friend that can actually tell I am having a bad day by the way I post.
This friend is not sure that he/she is very supportive or helpful. I have to say that this person has been extremely helpful. And I only hope that I can somehow return the favor. I do try.

As far as I am concerned wether a person is deep in depression or struck with self cutting or battling PTSD or whatever it is they are struggling with, I do my best to try to help them find strength to KEEP GOING AND KEEP TRYING. And I don't fly above them, I am struggling right along side of them. If you feel that you are "FURTHER ALONG" well good for you.

If I get to that point I will remember yesterday and how I felt and what that day meant. And in the future if I am somehow flying again, I will still try to support others to learn to fly too. And I will do my best and try to never pompus about how I post to others. I do know that I am not perfect and I may make mistakes or that someone may misunderstand me or visa versa and if that happens I do my best to make ammends.

You mentioned that perhaps I try too hard. Well, I guess you may be right. But I don't want to continue this all about me stage, I am trying so hard to battle the often depressive state I am in from, as my therapist states, having an awful lot on my plate that is understandably overwhelming.

And in no way am I trying to shoot any arrows. This post is about how another post effected me. It was an arrow that struck my heart and core and how others pulled that arrow out.
(thank you for the supportive PMs and posts to those people)

Open Eyes