I've done a lot of research, and I don't think there's much denying that I have psychopathic traits. I've done the Hare Psychopathy Checklist multiple times and consistently score a 34 out of 40, and anything over 30 is supposed to mean you may be a psychopath. I haven't been officially diagnosed because I tend to be dishonest with my therapists... I've been to a lot of therapists and psychiatrists for other reasons and they've never put it together. And I honestly don't like the idea of telling them what I think I am. I have no idea why I lie so compulsively to people who are trying to help me, but I can't seem to stop. Sometimes its almost like a game for me, if I can trick them into thinking I'm normal, then I win.
But the really strange thing is that I am also depressed a lot of the time.
I have been diagnosed by 2 different psychiatrists with severe depression. Half the time I have symptoms of depression and the other half I act like a psychopath. My psychopathic tendencies are making it very difficult to deal with my depression because I always do something that pushes people away. I don't know how to communicate honestly with anyone, the only way I get things out of my head is by writing. Which is why I'm doing this. I've never been this honest in my life. Its very strange.