Just got back from my T appt.....I feel so sad.....T said that I am in a pretty serious depression at the moment. *sigh*

Since I was so lifeless during the session, T suggested that we go outside. We walked through his garden - he gave me some fresh veggies to taste, straight out of the garden. We talked about gardening...and then sat at a table next to the garden, taking in the warm air and the nice breeze.

There were a lot of silent moments....and then some fluff-n-stuff talk...I told T that I really wished I was in a place where I could take in this moment. He said that the purpose of us going outside was to help me focus on other senses, like taste and feeling the warmth of the air....and that we can gain energy by being around nature, taking in the beauty and the fascinating aspects of it.

So, we finally walked through the garden....and it felt nothing like I fantasized about. Even though we were together, I felt so far away from him. I miss him already - even though I'm glad I'm not there with him, because I hate feeling so awful in his presence.

I wish I wasn't so sad.