Well, I saw T today. I went in saying nothing and took my spot on the couch and looked at her. She said she knew something was up and could tell from the moment that she went to get me from the waiting room. She asked why I was so silent and if I was going to be mute for the session. I said maybe and sat there a little bit longer trying to muster the courage to say what I wanted to say. I finally came out and said it. I said "Dr ------- are you trying to get rid of me??" She gave a bewildered look and said "No, why would you even think that? If I wanted to get rid of you I would be direct and tell you that I think that you should see another T. I am only indirect with new patients before I actually start therapy with them." I said "Oh, it feels like you are trying to push me away and that's what you said you do when you don't want to see a patient, you try to get them to not want to see you." She said "You asking this is making me think that you aren't wanting to work with me now." I said "I didn't say that, it just feels like you are pushing me away." So we talked about it a little more and she said "No I am not trying to get rid of you, I have no reason to, I really like you and I care about you and I want to help you. I am only trying to shift and switch things, NOT get rid of you or push you away and I am sorry that it feels like that."
My session was pretty good overall. It was the last time that I see her for 2 weeks while she is away. So I guess that is my update on todays session...