Could you be judging yourself too harshly? Comparing yourself to others especially to someone like your husband who shares a greater degree of intimacy with you than other people can be counterproductive. I feel really bad about myself when I compare myself to my peers who are where I wish I was in life.

Another alternative to hiring a professional for the counseling is to browse books in the general psychology section at a bookstore, identify which ones you feel resonate with the difficulties you have been going through, and buy the books from discount internet shops. Make sure though that you work on improving yourself because you want to, and not because your husband says it would be a good idea. Otherwise, it might not feel very good. On my own, I discovered that my parents have Narcissistic Personality Disorder; I have some form of dissociative disorder, NPD, and dependent personality disorder. I did pay for counseling for a few number of years, but no therapist dug as deep as I did. I am more comfortable doing it myself, though I am thankful for all that I learned from them.

I can relate to the experience you've had with your parents. My parents are still putting up with each other after all these years. In the past, mom would confide in me how awful her relationship was with dad. She made it sound as if she was a victim, and all men were bad and I would do well to avoid them and hate them just like she does. But she willingly married my dad and she can be a difficult wife at times.

You have to teach yourself to love yourself in order to love yourself. Looks like your parents didn't do that for you. I'd say start by being compassionate with yourself even though you've made mistakes that you regret.