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Hi Sanada,
Maybe this might help you, maybe not. Try to keep and open mind about things.. I am a ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) and get great relief from those meetings. A lot of folks who come to the meeting didn't have parents that were alcoholics but came from dysfunctional homes and had (mentally ill parents, or relatives). Read the 20 questions below. If some might apply to you, and sound to me like they might. Try a ACOA meeting, we welcome everybody and you find friends get to talk and find a lot of healing. It has done worlds of good for me.
Best of luck!
1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
2. Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
3. Do you fear criticism?
4. Do you overextend yourself?
5. Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
6. Do you have a need for perfection?
7. Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
8. Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?
9. Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
10. Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
11. Do you isolate yourself from other people?
12. Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?
13. Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
14. Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
15. Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
16. Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and abusive?
17. Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
18. Do you mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
19. Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions?
20. Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?
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