So I rarely do forums, but I'm looking for help from people who have dealt with the same thing.

I've been seeing my current therapist for one year and a few months. For the past month or so, I've been having really bad transference issues. I feel like I love her. I know it's not love. I have a degree in social work, so I know all about transference. I had a session with her today and when we had 10 minutes left, she said "So is there anything you're not telling me?" She knows I don't open up easily with big things. For the entire week before, I had been planning on bringing up my transference issues. But when I had the chance today, I couldn't do it. I kept telling her it would mess things up and that things would be awkward and weird. I told her "I have feelings that aren't real". She asked what those feelings were, but I couldn't say. I kept apologizing for not being able to say what was going on, but she was mad at that point and kept saying "You're not sorry". When I left, neither one of us said goodbye. I did make a sarcastic comment when I was walking out and then threw a half-full water bottle at her window in the hallway.

As soon as I got home, I emailed her saying "I feel like I love you", "I know it's not real love", "Do you think this is easy to bring up?", etc. Now I'm just waiting for a response. I feel like a fool...like the biggest idiot there ever was. I told her in the email that I'll probably try to find new outpatient help (she also runs the weekly DBT group that I go to) because I can't show my face in front of her ever again. This was the most embarrassing thing I ever told anybody. Now I don't know what to do. What have other people done in this situation? What has/has not helped deal with it? Did your therapist still stick by your side or did he/she terminate the relationship? Any help would be appreciated.