OK. So I saw a new one today. We interviewed each other. I didn't trust her. In our first meeting, she seemed to "side" with a previous therapist in regards to a dispute we'd had. I confronted her with the observation and things went downhill from there.

It ended up that she rejected me as a client.

I was probably going to reject her anyway, but she did it first.
The first thing we talked about in the session was my fear of rejection and how I wanted things to work out.

Then she rejects me. Wow!

I think the decision that we not try to work together is a sound one. But the way it was handled was less than I had hoped.

I really wish I could stay with my current therapist, but an insurance change makes that impossible. So, now I am shopping again.

I hate it. I have so many limitations that it is going to be difficult to find someone. Most therapists do not take my new insurance. In addition, I have some transportation challenges, financial challenges and I have BPD, which many folks just do not want to deal with.

I am so overreacting to this therapist's rejection. I know that my feelings are out of proportion to the importance of the event. I knew when I started shoppig for a therapist that it was not going to be an easy task.

I knew there would probably be some that I would reject and others that would reject me. This was just one of them. I don't owe her anything. She doesn't owe me anything. So what if she rejected me? I'll just moveon to the next one. No big deal, right?

Right. So why do I just keep crying and crying because she rejected me?

It hurts so bad. I have these stupid thoughts in my head that no one will want to help me and that I am a lost casue anyway. I now they are not based in reality. Still, they won't go away.

I hate this. I hate me. Why did she have to reject me? Whyam I such a loser?